Merhaba,

Serbest çağrışımlarımızı anadilimiz olmayan bir dilde anlatmaya çalışmak ne kadar farklıdır? Benim için değişik bir tecrübeydi, paylaşmak istedim.

Greetings to non-Turkish readers,

How different is it to explain our free associations in a non-native language? It was a different experience for me, which I’d like to share.

The Wall

The theory that my “other” personality might be an English speaker made me give this a try. As I took another sip from my tea, this room felt a bit different. Different in such a way that is enabling me to let my subconsciousness take over.

Staring at the wall against me, I realized how it started to turn into a door. A door, made of small curved mirrors… All the paintings on the wall faded away slowly. There I was, left alone with a door to enter. Was this a question of bravery? I was astonished to dream where the door might lead me to. “Temptation, temptation…” So I heard the voices sing. I must admit, I felt kind of scared. Like a baby felt giving birth to her first mother. Feeling I might change my mind, I quickly grabbed my book and opened the door. I was expecting a forest, green and huge. Quite the contrary, the door led me to another room with mirrors on all of its walls, ceiling and base. I could see the reflection of everything but myself. The door was no longer there and my book looked a lot different to me. What was I about to do here? What exactly did I leave behind? The lack of which made me smile like a mother smiled giving birth to her own mother…

Leaving my book in a corner of the room, I started observing the mirrors. Why was my reflection not there? In a room like that, how could I figure out the difference this journey might have caused? After a couple of minutes, I was shocked when I started to wonder why I couldn’t see the reflections of the things that “touch” me, unlike all the other things in the room. My clothes, my shoes, my earring… All became visible as I took them off. “The book!”, I said, “where is it?” turning to the corner where I left it. Its reflection was there though. Looking at me and smiling like my mother smiled, giving birth to my grandmother…

Somehow, I knew the cure was in this room but where? The endlessness, which the mirrors have formed, gave me an idea. Why was I thinking that the other side of the mirror was inaccessible to me? “Temptation, temptation…” So I heard the voices sing. I must admit, I felt kind of scared. Like a warrior felt, being slain by his new-born baby… Feeling I might have found the cure, I took a step into the mirror. There I saw my “other” self sitting in that room, looking at the wall, writing a truly weird story… I can’t say he was astonished though, seeing me standing against him, naked.